By John Simeone
'Twas the day before Christmas, and on my old hunting lease, not a creature was stirring, especially the deer. My Food Plot stood tall; all pretty and green, Biologic, Jurassic, and Iron Clay peas.
The moon was all full, the wind from the East, and as everyone knows the deer move the least. With scientific knowledge I looked in my journal, just as I suspected the deer were nocturnal.
All the equipment was ready, my stand was on high, and with all the expense it could just make you cry. But with eternal patience I sat, with my belt firmly fastened, and for but a moment, I stole a brief nap.
Then I heard up in the air, what I thought to be ducks, but to my shock and awe it was eight flying bucks. He was awesome to see this little old man with his red suit and beard stretched out in the wind. Loud and clear he was, as he gave his commands, I couldn't believe it, they were going to land.
In they came in a rush, right in the middle of my food plot, he let out the Elves, who were in question and doubt, why Santa had landed on an unscheduled stop.
I watched in amazement as they unhooked the sleigh. Right in my food plot, he let them all out to graze. The Elves weren't too pleased, left on detail, cause Santa that rascal, had girlfriend…. just down the trail.
They browsed in my food plot munching my peas; my whole body shook all the way down to my knees. With trophy sized racks, they would all make the books, 300 pounders with back straps and steaks for the cook.
It was hard to resist my eyes all a fix, as I thumbed at the safety on my 30-06. But as everyone knows I'm a thinking man, I quickly pondered awhile and thought out a plan. I got on the CB and called to the camp, back me up boys they're all in the plot. Excited they scrambled spilling the beer, “Danged if Uncle John done found the deer.”
They came over the hill, and hid in a ditch, and waited to hear of my little sneaky trick. I told them the plan and put them on line, "Remember the big one,.. with the Red Nose… is mine!"
Dressed in Mossy Oak and Real Tree we hid in the holly, and at my signal we gave them a volley. From the food plot there arose such a clatter, Santa ran out on the porch to see what was the matter. Here Cupid, here Vixen, here Donner and Blitzen. Where's Dasher and Dancer and the rest of them critters.
Santa's Cajun girlfriend said with a shrug and giggle, it didn't take much to figure the reason. "That's a food plot you idiot and this is deer season."
Well the boys and me never had such a day; The Elves didn’t like the deer much anyway. So for a nominal fee we hired them all. They went right to work with choppers and grinders and in no time at all, we had steaks, chops and sausage.
We took some of the backstrap over to Maylean, who fattened up Santa pretty as you please. So we loaned him a 4 wheeler, but don’t ask me why, when he climbed in it we found out that Hondas could fly!
It was good to know Santa didn't put up much of a fuss, wasn't really much he could do anyway, the Sheriff was with us. But time was a wasten, Santa had to go, just one little kiss with Maylean underneath the mistletoe.
He fired up the Honda, and through it in gear, aimed for the North Star with a laugh and good cheer. And I heard him say as he flew out of sight, Louisiana Christmas is cool, let’s do it next year.
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